The Keys to the Kingdom


On the wall, directly over the lifting platform, a three-foot by three-foot piece of whiteboard records the accomplishments of the members of Crossfit Boston. The four best times for any given feat are recorded on that Board.

Last night, I got booted off the Board. I was number five.

It bugged the hell out of me, and it still does. Fortunately, I know exactly what went wrong, and I can fix it.

As a trainer, it’s my job to know the keys to elite fitness. I know them—back and forth and up and down and sideways. I just don’t follow them all that well. That changes now, today, right this minute. As far as I’m concerned, knowledge and action are the same damn thing, and I’m on the wagon.

The keys to elite fitness:

Consistency: Show up, whether you like it or not. Work out on a regular schedule. If it hurts, suck it up. If you can’t do it, learn.

Effort: When you can’t do the next rep, do it anyway.

Sleep: Nine-plus hours every night. Kill your subwoofer-owning-militant-whore-neighbor if you have to.

Diet: Zone with five times fat. No excuses. Weighing food is easy compared with the everlasting pain of a dead-f*cking-last performance.

Recovery: Roll it out, ice it down, tape it up, stretch it hard. You say you don’t do it because it takes too much time. You don’t do it because it hurts.

I’m not getting booted off that Board anymore. If you’re going to beat me, you’re going to have to experience cardiogenic asthma, hallucinatory states, and mild bouts of suicidal desire to get there. We’ll see who’s where when the smoke clears.

Go faster!

Picture courtesy of bclkeys.com.